In real estate, negotiation is daily bread. Whether it’s price, terms, conditions, or campaign timelines, agents are constantly managing competing expectations.
But if your approach is still framed around ‘winning’ or ‘getting the upper hand’, it may be time for a reframe.
That’s the central message of from Getting to Yes co-authors, the late Roger Fisher and William Ury (pictured above) – two of the most respected names in the field of negotiation, and founders of the Harvard Negotiation Project.
Their book has long been a go-to for diplomats, lawyers, and business leaders.
But for real estate agents, their core framework is particularly relevant in an industry where trust, speed, and emotional dynamics often intersect.
Here are the key ideas, translated into the real world of property.
“If you’re asking who’s winning, you’ve already lost”
Negotiation isn’t about winning or losing. In fact, Fisher and Ury say if that’s your framing, you’re in the wrong conversation.
The smarter goal? To reach an agreement that satisfies both sides, without compromising relationships or outcomes.
To simplify this completely: a father and son are tossing a Frisbee in Hyde Park, London.
A passerby stops to ask, “Who’s winning?” It’s a game, not a contest.
The same logic applies to negotiation. It’s not about beating the other side — it’s about finding a shared solution.
1. Interests, not positions
Two men argue in a library: one wants the window open for fresh air, the other wants it shut to stop papers flying.
The classic compromise would be to crack it halfway. But the librarian offers a smarter solution — opens a window in the next room.
Fresh air flows in, the papers stay put, and no one has to concede their position.
In real estate, this kind of thinking is critical. When a vendor insists on a price, don’t challenge the number directly.
Ask why they need it. Is it to cover the next purchase? Avoid lenders mortgage insurance? Help fund a renovation? If you uncover their interests, you have more room to move.
Similarly, a buyer demanding a long settlement may not be difficult, they may just need time for their sale to settle.
Tip: Ask “why” more often. Then listen.
2. Use fair standard, not just personal opinion
Fisher and Ury suggest that objective criteria reduce conflict.
In real estate, this could be price guides based on market data, clearance rates, or valuations.
Instead of arguing over price, agree on what a fair price might look like.
If you’re dealing with unrealistic expectations on either side, shift the discussion to independent standards:
- Recent comparable sales
- Building or pest inspection reports
- Statutory requirements (eg, cooling-off periods, tenancy legislation)
- Marketing costs from suppliers
Framing your advice around these third-party standards removes ego and personal emotion from the process.
3. Invent options for mutual gain
One of Fisher and Ury’s favourite examples is the two children fighting over an orange.
The parent, trying to be fair, cuts it in half.
But one child wanted the fruit, the other wanted the peel for baking.
If they’d been asked why, both could’ve had 100% of what they wanted.
This happens frequently in property. One buyer wants early access to measure curtains; the seller wants assurance the deal is solid before letting anyone through.
The ‘half-half’ compromise might be frustrating. But a more creative solution, like written conditional access after the cooling-off period — meets both needs.
Differences don’t cause problems; they often solve them.
They suggest you brainstorm solutions with your team before going into negotiations and list ideas without judgement, then refine.
This kind of pre-planning often unlocks options under pressure.
4. Separate the people from the problem
Negotiation gets tricky when personal emotions override logic.
Agents know this well – the vendor who takes a low offer as an insult, the buyer who thinks the agent is pushing them, or the colleague who reacts defensively during a campaign debrief.
Fisher and Ury argue that you must treat the person and the problem as two separate elements. Stay soft on the person but firm on the issue.
That means:
- Recognising emotional triggers
- Building rapport before conflict arises
- Acknowledging the other person’s perspective
- Managing your own reactions and assumptions
Even a pre-auction chat about sport or kids can smooth the path when things get tough later.
What if they play dirty? Or hold all the cards?
Fisher and Ury don’t pretend that every negotiation is balanced. Some buyers or vendors use pressure tactics. Some have more power.
Here’s their advice:
- Call out the tactic: “Are we doing good cop/bad cop here?” said lightly can disarm the theatre.
- Don’t take the bait: If they attack your proposal, ask them for theirs. If they dismiss your idea, ask: “What would you do in my shoes?”
- Know your BATNA: That’s your Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement. It gives you power — because you’re not negotiating out of desperation.
In real estate, your BATNA might be a backup offer, another buyer in the wings, or a vendor ready to meet the market.
The takeaway for agents
Real estate deals are not zero-sum games. The vendor and buyer both want to move forward.
The agent wants to keep a relationship intact for future referrals.
Everyone benefits from an agreement that’s fair, not just final.
The next time you’re sitting across the table and the room starts to feel combative, ask yourself the same question Fisher and Ury’s frisbee players faced: Are we trying to win, or are we trying to work together?
