How to put your best self forward: Caroline Bolderston

Instability, unprecedented, distressed. When these are the buzzwords for a while, you know that people have been doing it tough. The pandemic has challenged all of us, and as Caroline Bolderston explains, the only thing you can control in times of crisis is yourself and how you show up for the people around you.

We have all been tested to varying degrees during the pandemic. For some of us, our best selves have simply not been showing up.

When our best self is not present, it impacts everything. Our perspective shifts and the impact is felt across our family, our friends, our meaningful relationships, our clients, our colleagues and team members.

When was the last time you were truly at your best?

Can you remember what was present in your life? What do you recall about how you felt, how you looked and how you thought? When thinking about you at your best, how would it be if you restored that version of yourself right now?

What would that give you? What would you be free of?

There are times in our lives when we need to stop the hamster wheel, take a step back, assess, and review.

As we do this, we gain greater perspective and clarity and can make conscious choices and decisions to better our experience and the experience we give to others.

If you could do with a dose of that, then these three tips are the simplest way to start on the road towards becoming all that you can be once again.

Well-rounded means perspective

For most agents that I work with, the imbalance that occurs when giving sales 100 per cent attention can be overwhelming.

Every human being needs at least three ‘vehicles’ in their life to fulfill the six core needs of existence:

  1. Connection
  2. Contribution
  3. Significance
  4. Certainty
  5. Growth
  6. Challenge.

Most of us have two vehicles in play – a career and a meaningful relationship.

Often the third vehicle is missing and then perspective on life can be narrowed. To be your best self, it’s crucial to find your third vehicle, a hobby or interest that also meets the six core needs.

This brings a well-roundedness and overall feeling of fulfilment, contentment and happiness that then flows over into all areas of your life.

What are your boundaries?

Being in a service industry, it’s so easy to blur the lines of your personal boundaries when it comes to what you expect of yourself and what others expect of you.

The most common boundary violation I see in real estate is personal time. Saying ‘yes’, when you know you should say ‘no’, and succumbing to pressure from clients or colleagues on turnaround times and scheduling.

And most commonly, simply taking too much on and stretching yourself way too thin.

How can you be your best self when you do not respect your own boundaries? It may be, that due to your boundary violations, you are stressed, you have to prioritise work when you want to be with your family or friends, and often you will not be fully present when interacting with clients, as you have so much going on and your mind is not clear.

This means that no-one is getting the best of you, and you are certainly not getting the best of yourself.

The result: a less-than-enjoyable experience of life.

Shiny can be unsatisfying

Are you immersed in the ambition-driven world of acquiring things for status, recognition and significance?

I have worked with so many agents whose ambition is the number one driving factor of their experience.

I have found though, that a common occurrence is that the desire and drive to chase and acquire the ‘shiny things’ in life can be unfulfilling.

There may be fleeting moments of satisfaction and excitement but it is quickly replaced with ‘what’s next?’ This results in feeling forever unsatisfied and always wanting more.

I learnt a long time ago that the best way to gain significance is by giving it to others and creating meaning in what you do.

When you combine ambition with meaning, you have the success formula that will provide you with sustained happiness and the feeling that you are your best self. 

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Caroline Bolderston

Caroline Bolderston heads up Being Bold Coaching and training, which provides coaching and support for Sales Agents, Sales Teams and Principals. For more information visit