In real estate, you’re constantly on display, be it at listing presentations, open homes, auctions, team meetings, and sometimes even at the supermarket when you bump into a client.
The pressure to “be authentic” can feel huge.
But former U.S. Secret Service Special Agent Evy Poumpouras says there’s a difference between showing up as your real self and showing up as your best self, and that difference can make or break your authority as a leader.
Speaking with Steven Bartlett on The Diary of a CEO podcast, Evy reflected on the lessons she learned protecting U.S. Presidents, interrogating high-risk criminals, and working in some of the most high-pressure environments imaginable.
Her insights on emotional control, confidence, and communication aren’t just for elite agents, they can help anyone in real estate who wants to inspire trust and lead well.
Authenticity vs. professionalism
“People say, ‘Be yourself,’ but you have to be the best version of yourself,” Evy told Steven.
“If I showed up on a protection detail tired, irritated, and unprepared because that’s how I felt that day, I would fail at my job.”
She’s quick to point out that this doesn’t mean ignoring your emotions; it means managing how and when they show up.
“You don’t have to show everything you feel. Your feelings are valid, but they don’t have to run the meeting,” she said.
It’s a reminder that while authenticity is valuable, being unfiltered or reactive can backfire; especially in a business where trust drives every relationship.
Buyers and sellers don’t need to see every frustration or worry; they need to feel confident that you’re calm, prepared, and in control, even when the market isn’t.
For principals leading teams, it’s about modelling steadiness: if you bring panic or negativity to the table, your agents will absorb it.
Staying calm when emotions run high
Real estate is emotional by nature – vendors worry about price, buyers stretch budgets to the edge, and deals can wobble. Evy says leaders must master their own state first.
“If you’re nervous, everyone else will feel it. If you’re confident, everyone else will feed off that too,” she said.
She advises a practical pause before responding when tensions rise: “When you feel yourself react, pause. Don’t match the other person’s energy. That’s how you keep control.”
During her years in protection, Evy learned to regulate her body first by slowing her breathing, staying grounded, and controlling her voice. It’s something any agent can practise.
Walking into a tough appraisal or stepping on stage to auction a property can feel nerve-racking, but staying physically calm helps you project authority.
“Your energy precedes you. Before you say a word, people feel whether you’re nervous, confident, or prepared,” she added, a reminder that presence speaks before words do.
Communicate with presence, not panic
How you speak can transform how you’re received.
“Powerful people don’t rush. They don’t fill silence with nervous chatter,” Evy said.
“When you slow your speech and own the space, people listen.”
And first impressions count. “People decide how much respect to give you in the first few moments.
Your body language, your tone, your energy – they speak before your words do,” she told Bartlett.
For agents, this means walking into a listing presentation prepared, standing tall, and speaking at a measured pace.
Owning the room doesn’t require bravado, it’s about controlled presence.
“Powerful people don’t fill silence. They let it sit. They own the space,” Evy said.
Confidence isn’t magic — it’s built
“Confidence isn’t a personality trait; it’s a skill,” Evy explained.
“You build it by doing hard things, by showing yourself you can handle more than you thought.”
She added that preparation fuels self-belief: “Confidence comes from preparation. When you know your stuff, you don’t need to oversell it … it shows.”
That’s good news for agents who feel intimidated in big moments. Confidence doesn’t arrive fully formed; it grows with every challenge you take on; whether that’s cold-calling, presenting to a nervous vendor, or leading your first auction.
Each time you step up, you prove to yourself that you can.
Protect your energy to lead well
Evy also warned about self-sabotage through exhaustion. “People think working harder automatically earns respect, but it’s how you show up that matters,” she said.
“If you’re burnt out and sloppy, you’ve lost before you start.”
She also emphasised the need for healthy boundaries: “If you don’t set boundaries, people will set them for you. And they’ll set them in their favour, not yours.”
Real estate can feel like a 24/7 job, but running on empty undermines presence and authority. Good leaders know when to prepare, when to recharge, and how to show up sharp for the moments that matter.
The real leadership playbook
Evy’s message is simple but powerful: great leadership is intentional. “You choose the version of yourself that shows up,” she told Steven. “That’s not fake; that’s leadership.”
She reframes the authenticity debate in a way leaders can embrace: “You’re not being fake when you choose how to show up; you’re being deliberate.”
For real estate professionals, that means bringing warmth and empathy, but also discipline.
It means managing your own state before you try to influence others and it means communicating with calm authority and confidence, even when you feel unsure.
It also means recognising that your energy sets the tone for your clients and your team.
Why this matters now
With interest rate shifts, price-sensitive sellers and cautious buyers, today’s property market can feel unpredictable.
Clients are looking for professionals who can guide big financial decisions without getting swept up in the stress.
Agents who combine warmth and connection with calm authority stand out: they win trust at the listing table, navigate difficult price conversations with confidence, and keep deals on track when emotions run high.
Her lessons aren’t about being fake; they’re about showing up intentionally.
As she says, “You choose the version of yourself that walks into the room. That’s not fake, that’s leadership.”
For real estate leaders, that mindset can turn pressure-filled moments into opportunities to lead with confidence and earn lasting respect.
