Transform Masters: Ush Dhanak talks to the 2017 Transform Masters about the need for resilience in life and business, how to avoid negative self-talk, and how to get yourself into a much more positive mindset.
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Defining ‘resilience’: “If you are someone who has resilience, then you’re going to know how to cope in spite of your setbacks, barriers, and limited resources.” – 01:42
“The biggest thing that people suffer from if they’re not resilient is negative self-talk.” – 02:56
The Rabbit Hole Syndrome: if you have one negative thought, it’s going to lead to another negative thought and another and another. You will then put yourself down the rabbit hole, struggling to get out of it. – 04:45
7 Questions to ask during negative self-talk: What is the worst thing that can happen? What is the probability of that worst case? What is the one thing that you can do to help stop that worst thing from happening? What is the best thing that could happen? What is the one big that you can do to make that best thing happen? What is the most likely thing that’s going to happen? What can you do to handle the most likely thing when it happens? – 06:00
“To become resilient, and also to remain resilient, you really need to start understanding what your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours are and whether those thoughts and feelings contribute to your resilience.” – 08:47
Thinking that hinders a resilient mindset: Filtering; taking the negative details out of a situation and holding a magnifying glass over it while losing sight of everything else that was positive in that situation. – 09:08
Thinking that hinders a resilient mindset: Polarised; looking at something as black or white, it’s good or bad, you’re either perfect or a failure, and there’s no grey. – 09:28
Thinking that hinders a resilient mindset: Over-generalisations; coming to conclusions based on a single incident, so if something bad happens, you expect it to happen again in that situation. – 09:45
Thinking that hinders a resilient mindset: Mind-reading; making assumptions about what people are feeling. – 10:00
Thinking that hinders a resilient mindset: Catastrophising; always expecting the worst thing to happen. – 10:09
Thinking that hinders a resilient mindset: Personalisation; looking at the situation as a personal attack; comparing yourself to others’ situations. – 10:22
Thinking that hinders a resilient mindset: Control Fallacies; feeling like a victim of fate. – 10:43
Thinking that hinders a resilient mindset: Blaming; blaming everyone else for your struggle/situation. – 10:52
Thinking that hinders a resilient mindset: Shoulds; having an internal list of what people should behave, react and respond (if they don’t follow, you’re angered or annoyed). – 11:02
Thinking that hinders a resilient mindset: Fallacy of Change; expecting other people to change if you help them, and they don’t. – 11:27
Thinking that hinders a resilient mindset: Being Right; when being wrong is unthinkable and you go through great lengths to prove you are correct. – 11:44
Thinking that hinders a resilient mindset: Heaven’s Reward Fallacy; doing a good deed, and then expecting a good deed to be returned. – 11:55
Having tunnel vision, procrastinating, perfectionism, rejecting change and failing to set limits can also hinder your resilience – 12:30
Acknowledging and learning from your failures; “To build resilience, you are going to fail. You’re just going to learn how to live with that and how to sort of build in what the learning is.” – 13:39