There is no shortcut through fear. No hack, no technique, no clever workaround that lets you skip the uncomfortable work of building experience one terrifying moment at a time.
Professional big wave surfer Mark Mathews spent a decade searching for that shortcut, devouring every psychology book and scientific study he could find, desperate to discover some way around the paralysing anxiety that comes with his territory.
Speaking to real estate agents at the Australasian Real Estate Conference, Mathews delivered the uncomfortable truth that applies as much to cold-calling prospects as it does to riding 20-foot waves.
“I swear, every single one of the books that I read that was actually worth reading, it said exactly the same thing,” Mathews said. “The only way through fear is experience.”
For Mathews, it was a revelation that came at considerable cost; when realised he’d chosen the wrong wave at a reef break, everything changed in an instant.
The wave was too big, coming in the wrong direction for the shallow reef below—what surfers call a “close out.”
“When you wipe out on a big wave, you fall so fast that when you hit the water, it drives you so deep that the pressure is so bad, it feels like your eyes are about to pop out of your head,” Mathews explained.
But, this time was different. The underwater turbulence grabbed him, dragged him backwards, and smashed him into the rocks. His foot got stuck in a hole in the reef, and the full power of the wave compressed him into the rocks below.
Nine surgeries and 18 months of rehabilitation followed. During his hospital stay, Mathews spiralled into depression and self-pity—until a 19-year-old quadriplegic named Jackson changed everything.
Wheeled to Mathews’ bedside with a grin on his face, Jackson’s courage in facing challenges infinitely worse than a broken leg provided the perspective shift that transformed the surfer’s recovery.
“I couldn’t help but go from lying there depressed, angry, full of self-pity for how unlucky I was, to looking at this kid dealing with a situation a million times worse than what I’m going through,” Mathews said.
That encounter led Mathews to research gratitude science, discovering studies showing three minutes of morning gratitude can positively impact immune function for eight hours. But it was a specific technique—gratitude texts—that became his most powerful tool.
“I’ve been studying high performance for years, and there’s no technique that’s had a bigger impact on a team, company, or individual’s trajectory to success than this one simple technique,” Mathews said.
For real estate agents facing daily rejection and market uncertainty, Mathews’ framework offers direct application. His “what, why, and who” approach—defining clear success metrics, understanding deeper motivations, and identifying support networks—translates directly to property sales.
Just as Mathews visualises his mother’s smile when he buys her a house with his surfing earnings, he suggested that agents might benefit from connecting their daily grind to meaningful outcomes.
After his recovery, Mathews returned to big wave surfing, using gratitude texts throughout his rehabilitation. He sent footage of his first post-injury wave to his wife and surgeons, expressing appreciation for their support.
Jackson, meanwhile, created Build Care, a charity building accessible homes for people with severe disabilities—inspired by surfing’s sense of control and freedom.
The intersection of fear management and gratitude practice offers real estate professionals a framework for resilience in an industry built on relationship building and rejection handling.
Whether facing a difficult vendor negotiation or building client rapport, the principles remain constant: experience builds confidence, perspective shapes resilience, and appreciation strengthens connections.
Mathews’ challenge to the AREC audience was simple: send one gratitude text to someone meaningful.
For agents juggling market pressures and client demands, this small practice might provide the emotional foundation needed to tackle bigger professional fears—one message, one call, one listing at a time.
