Ben Crowe spent thirty years in elite sport before realising most people whose job is to play aren’t actually playing.
The mindset coach – whose work has included Ash Barty, the Boston Celtics and Dylan Alcott – told the AREC audience that the same problem exists in every high-performance environment, real estate included. He drew on examples from Andre Agassi, Boris Becker and other elite athletes throughout the session.
“The opposite of play isn’t work,” Crowe said. “The opposite of play is fear. You’re either in the play state or the fear state, because you can only be in one of those two states.”
Play, in his framework, doesn’t mean table tennis in the break room. It means finding time and space for curiosity, creativity and experimentation to flourish. He linked fear and pressure to a focus on things people can’t control – especially other people’s expectations, opinions and outcomes.
His challenge to the room: ask yourself right now which state you’re in. Then ask what play looks like for you here.
The flip that removes pressure
Crowe shared a reframe he’s used with clients from CEOs to NBA coaches. One client told him they’d been saying “I’ve got to take the kids to school, I’ve got to help a client, I’ve got to do something for my wife.”
“If you flip the O to an E in ‘gotta,’ it changes from ‘I’ve got to’ to ‘I get to,'” Crowe said. “I get to take the kids to school. I get to help a client. I get to do something for my soulmate.”
That single letter changes the frame from obligation to appreciation. Crowe said the Boston Celtics used the “got to / get to” reframe during the season they won the title.
He was blunt about a phrase often celebrated in sport and performance circles: “Pressure is a privilege” is not true, Crowe argued. A farmer waiting three years for rain who just lost his farm wouldn’t call that a privilege. What is a privilege is the possibility of what you can do in a given moment – the opportunity, not the weight.
Belief beats confidence in a street fight
Crowe distinguished between confidence and belief in a way that reframes how agents think about taking on work they haven’t done before.
“Belief kicks confidence’s butt in a street fight,” he said. “Because confidence is evidence-based. Confidence goes, ‘Have I been here before?’ Belief goes, ‘I haven’t been here before, but I believe in my potential and I’ll trust I’ll figure it out.'”
He outlined two core beliefs he considers especially powerful. The first: I’m worthy no matter what, just as I am – win or lose. The second: I believe in my potential and trust that if I stay true to my values, things will take care of themselves.
That second belief, he said, is what changes your relationship with uncertainty – the fear most organisations are struggling with right now.
Accept, then focus
Crowe gave the room a single formula he provides every team he works with: “I must accept the things I can’t control and focus my attention on the things I can. The best version of me.”
Without that acceptance, he said, you’ll focus on things you can’t control – and focusing on something you can’t control is the definition of pressure. He suggested building two lists: an acceptance list (typically starting with opinions of others and expectations of outcomes) and a focus list (typically only three things – intention, effort, and mindset).
He closed by linking it back to the room. If you can learn to accept your imperfections and believe you’re worthy no matter what, that’s self-confidence. If you can move from “I” to “we” and help others realise their potential, that’s leadership. And if you can accept what you can’t control and bring the best version of yourself to the work, that’s performance.
“It doesn’t guarantee you’ll win,” Crowe said. “But it does guarantee that you bring the best possible version of you to the dance floor.”
Your Tuesday morning to-do list
- Before your first call tomorrow, ask yourself: am I in the play state or the fear state right now? If fear, name the thing you’re trying to control that you can’t. Let it go and refocus on effort and intention.
- Write an acceptance list – the things in your business you cannot control (market conditions, vendor expectations, what other agents say about you). Put it somewhere visible. Then write the focus list beside it: what you can control today.
- Catch yourself saying “I’ve got to” this week – got to do the follow-ups, got to call that lead, got to prepare the CMA. Flip it to “I get to.” Notice what changes.
- Write down three beliefs you hold about yourself that might be holding you back. (“I’m not a luxury agent.” “I can’t cold call.” “I’m not senior enough to win that listing.”) Ask: is that confidence talking, or is that just a story I’ve told myself?
- Pick one listing presentation or client meeting this week and approach it as play – lead with curiosity, ask “what if” questions, experiment with something you haven’t tried before. See what happens when you stop performing and start exploring.