Family-run agencies sit at the heart of Australian real estate. They are built on shared history, long hours and a sense of collective responsibility. But when markets shift and growth slows, those same relationships can make change far harder than it needs to be.
A recent episode of the TED podcast Fixable, hosted by leadership coach and company builder Anne Morriss and Harvard Business School professor Frances Frei, explored this tension through the story of a woman working in a multi-generational business alongside her husband and in-laws.
The caller, referred to as Lily to protect her privacy, is not in real estate. But her experience will feel uncomfortably familiar to anyone who has tried to modernise a family-run agency while navigating legacy thinking, emotional history and unclear decision rights.
At its heart, the episode asked a question many agents quietly wrestle with: how do you move a family business forward when the people holding the power are also the people you sit next to at Christmas lunch?
‘We are tired and want change’
Lily works in a business her in-laws bought more than 35 years ago. She and her husband, Steven, are deeply embedded in daily operations, carrying responsibility across sales, operations and people management as the business faces declining revenue and rising pressure.
“After being in business for more than 35 years, the small family business my husband and I work for is faced with a pivotal decision,” Lily says. “Turn the business around or sell.”
The business is dealing with structural change, shifting customer expectations and post-pandemic fatigue. Lily believes it can recover, but only if it adapts.
“We are fatigued at trying to influence some positive change,” she admits.
For many agents working in family agencies, this position is familiar.
You are accountable for outcomes, but not empowered to make the decisions needed to achieve them.
Old models, new realities
Much of Lily’s frustration stems from a generational gap in how growth is understood.
Her father-in-law expects quick results from long-term activity.
“If we go to a local trade show… I come back that day and he’s like, ‘Well, do you have an order?’”
In real estate, this plays out when principals expect immediate listings from branding, digital marketing or community engagement, because the model that worked decades ago felt more direct and transactional.
Lily tries to explain that relationship-building takes time. The message never quite lands.
The moment the conversation changes
Early in the discussion, Frances identifies the real issue, and it is not strategy.
“What you’re doing is trying to influence them as owners with decision rights,” she says. “You gotta stop that.”
She follows it with a phrase that reframes the entire problem.
“Radical acceptance. Radical acceptance of that.”
Anne reinforces the point.
“You have 35 years of information about how these guys are going to run the business. It’s not changing.”
For agents in family-run agencies, this can be confronting. But it is also clarifying.
If you do not own the business, persuasion has limits. Responsibility without authority creates exhaustion, not progress.
Stop holding ‘company meetings’
Lily explains that she recently pushed for planning discussions about the future.
“We just had a meeting this week because I said, we got to talk about the new year. We have to start planning some goals. We have to brainstorm.”
Both Anne and Frances push back immediately.
“This isn’t a brainstorming session,” Frances says. “I don’t think you want to participate in those anymore.”
Anne agrees.
“You’re no longer trying to influence the behaviour of anyone else. Those are your decision rights. How do you want to behave, and how do you communicate that?”
Instead of ongoing debate, they suggest a defined decision window: either Lily and Steven buy the business, or they leave.
“By the end of the year, ‘I’m either going to be an owner or not an employee’,” Frances says.
For real estate agents effectively running agencies without equity, the message is sharp.
There is a difference between commitment and ownership, and pretending otherwise benefits no one.
Why outside voices matter in family businesses
Anne suggests bringing in an external adviser to assess the business objectively.
“One tactic here might be to bring in a banker. Who can be the messenger.”
She explains why this matters.
“There are no objective parties in the room. Everyone is conflicted.”
Lily immediately recognises the dynamic.
“One of the struggles is, ‘I’m dad. What I say goes.’”
In family agencies, an independent business broker, accountant or consultant can shift conversations out of the emotional space and into the commercial one.
Valuation, succession and viability stop being personal opinions and start becoming facts.
‘They feel you as captive’
One of the most confronting moments comes when Frances explains how Lily and Steven are perceived.
“I want your in-laws to feel you’re walking away, because right now they feel you as captive.”
As long as the next generation appears unable to leave, the balance of power remains unchanged.
Frances encourages what she calls “sexy indifference”, meaning being genuinely open to either outcome.
“When you talk to them as if both are legitimate outcomes, everything starts to feel different.”
For agents bound by family loyalty, this reframes walking away not as failure, but as agency.
Despite the strain, Lily’s attachment to the business runs deep, especially when it comes to staff.
“The livelihood of these people matter as much as my own,” she says.
That sense of responsibility is common in small agencies.
Teams are tight. People rely on flexibility, trust and stability. When an agency struggles, the impact is personal.
Anne acknowledges this, while still urging Lily to widen her view.
“You love building a business, and you love working with your husband,” she says. “All of those things are also possible outside of this company as well.”
What this means for agents in family-run agencies
The episode is not anti-family business. Both Anne and Frances speak positively about their role in communities and workplaces. But they are clear that intention alone is not enough.
Family is not a structure. Ownership is.
For agents navigating similar dynamics, the lessons are direct:
- Stop trying to earn authority through persuasion
- Replace ongoing debate with clear timelines
- Use third-party experts to ground decisions
- Be honest about whether you are an employee or an owner
- Accept that leaving may be healthier than staying stuck
As Frances says near the end of the episode:
“I don’t know if you’re going to buy the company or leave the company. And that’s the point.”
For many agents in family-run agencies, that uncertainty is not a weakness. It is the moment clarity finally enters the room.
