As a real estate agent, principal or property manager, if you’re not juggling a to-do list that is pages long are you even trying? But behind the packed schedules and endless productivity lies a startling truth: we are addicted to being busy, and it’s doing more harm than good.
Mel Robbins, in her podcast episode featuring Dr Scott Lyons, digs deep into this addiction to busyness and stress, a behavioural pattern many of us recognise but rarely confront.
Mel and Scott explore why we’re addicted to stress and how it affects us. Here’s what they uncovered.
The addiction you didn’t know you had
Stress and busyness, according to Scott, are more than habits, they’re actually addictions. Addiction isn’t limited to substances like drugs or alcohol. It’s any repeated behaviour that harms your life, yet you continue to engage in it. For many, that’s the relentless pursuit of productivity.
Mel shares her own struggle, admitting to being “addicted to the feeling that I’ve got to be up to something.” Sound familiar? The constant need to fill every moment with activity, even meaningless tasks, is a form of avoidance.
Why we chase chaos
Busyness provides a temporary dopamine rush, a reward system built into our brains. Every checked box on the to-do list, every work meeting, and every errand gives us a fleeting sense of accomplishment. However, this cycle demands increasingly more stress to maintain the same satisfaction.
This addiction often stems from childhood experiences. Lyons explains, “A child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.”
In simpler terms, if you learned early on that your worth was tied to achievement or behaviour, you likely equate doing with being valued. This programming shapes adulthood, where busyness becomes proof of worth.
The unseen costs
While society celebrates the hustle, it overlooks the damage. Chronic stress harms mental and physical health, relationships, and overall quality of life.
Scott suggests that the addiction to busyness creates a paradox. While we crave connection and validation, we avoid intimacy and stillness, aka, things that would provide genuine fulfilment. Instead, we burn ourselves out, seeking relief in the very behaviour that causes the problem.
Breaking the cycle
So, how do you heal an addiction to busyness? It begins with self-awareness.
- Notice the alarm
Scott emphasises the importance of recognising discomfort in stillness. Try this: the next time you’re standing in a queue, resist the urge to check your phone. Just stand and be. It’s harder than it sounds. - Reclaim your worth
“If I’m busy, then I have value,” is a common thought. To counter this, remind yourself that your worth isn’t tied to productivity. - Pause and reset
Mel has shared her struggle to disconnect: “I walk into the house like a hurricane.” Learning to pause (whether it’s closing the laptop, putting down the phone, or taking a deep breath), helps retrain the brain to accept calm as safe and productive.
Defying the default
Mel calls slowing down an act of defiance against a lifetime of conditioning. Society rewards hustle, and we’ve internalised that message.
